“The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one”
~ Elbert Hubbard
Quote of the Day 1/26/09 January 26, 2009
“God cannot give you what you need, until you stop doing what you want”~Unknown
Quote of the Day 1/16/09 January 16, 2009
“A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on”~ Carl Sandburg
Time Flies…my baby is 2! January 12, 2009
I realized this morning that I have been somewhat neglecting my blog lately. I guess with the holidays and everything going on lately I just haven’t had much time to write but I know I need to get more consistent in my writing, especially since it helps a lot to talk about all of the things on my mind.
With that being said, yesterday was my baby’s 2nd birthday! I cannot believe that my little man is already two years old. It really feels like it was just the other day that I found out I was pregnant; the rest of this time has been a blur filled with many ups and downs. It amazes me how at the instant that he was born, Alex began to change so many lives. He has truly been a blessing and although he is quite the independent little boy now who at times makes me lose a little bit of patience, I simply cannot imagine my life without him. He has given me the strength I never knew or thought I had, the confidence to do things I never thought I would do, a new sense of purpose and most importantly…he has restored my faith in love and happiness.
The last two years have been filled with trials and tribulations. Many long nights filled with tears and frustration. But as I was telling one of my best friends and really one of the people that has truly helped me get through the last two years, I can honestly say that I feel like life is falling back into place for me. I decided weeks ago to start getting rid of the “toxic” people in my life. My phone/email/instant messages have been SO quiet since then and I am so happy it. It’s nice to be drama free and with my new hectic schedule I just don’t have time for people in my life that are there to bring me down. Most of my days now start at 6am, and between work and school I don’t get home until at least 12-1230 in the morning, five nights a week. I know take the time to truly enjoy every moment I have at work, school and at home with my family and of course with my little man. I barely have time to breathe, let alone sweat the small stuff so for the first time in years I feel at peace and like everything is going to be alright. I have definitely waited long enough for this time in my life, and although I know I have a long way to go, I can now finally see the light at the end of the tunnel I have been in the last few years and it’s an amazing feeling…
Here are some pictures of Alex and I…the day I brought him home from the hospital, on his first birthday and yesterday on his second birthday!
Quote of the Day 12/30/08 December 30, 2008
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”~Dr. Seuss
Quote of the Day 12/23/08 December 23, 2008
Love doesn’t make the world go ’round; love is what makes the ride worthwhile~Franklin P. Jones
10 Pieces of Me December 23, 2008
I originally saw this meme on one of the blogs I follow daily, and I figured it was ok to “steal” the idea and write my own list…
10 Things you wish you could say to ten different people
1. Will you ever learn or will you be a lost cause the rest of your life?
2. Thank you for showing me the meaning of unconditional love
3. Mind your business, you have no idea what it’s like
4. There’s a special place in hell for people like you
5. I wish you really knew how I felt about you, I guess time will tell…
6. You are truly my hero
7. I can’t wait to finally meet you!
8. Please stop calling and texting me, nothing is going to change
9. Thank you for listening to me, even if you have heard it 100 times
10. Thank you for believing in me, even when I don’t believe in myself
9 Things about yourself
1. I am trying every day to be a better mother
2. I have a hard time making decisions
3. I am tired of feeling alone
4. I have been blessed with amazing parents
5. I am my own worst critic
6. I am looking forward to starting school and a new stage in my life
7. I hope 2009 is a much better year than 2008
8. I wish nothing but the best for everyone around me
9. I am amazed everytime I look at my son
8 Ways to win my heart
1. MUST accept and get along with my son
2. Have a good sense of humor
3. Be honest
4. Must be able to laugh at yourself and not take everything so seriously
5. Being a good cook will earn lots of points lol
6. Be patient
7. Be understanding
8. Be yourself
7 Things that cross my mind a lot
1. How will I juggle work, school and being a single mom?
2. Will I have other children?
3. Will I ever take a vacation? lol
4. Will I ever find true love?
5. What would I do without my family?
6. What have I done to deserve such good friends?
7. Does my son know just how much I love him?
6 Things I do before I go to sleep
1. Brush my teeth
2. Pray
3. Check my emails
4. Check my cellphone
5. Check on my son and give him a kiss
6. Write in my journal
5 People I couldn’t live without
1. Alex (my son)
2. Mom
3. Dad
4. Sister
5. God
4 Things I am wearing right now
1. black dress
2. fleece sweater
3. earrings
4. shoes
3 Songs that fit my life perfectly(right now)
1. If I were a Boy-Beyonce
2. Better in Time-Leona Lewis
3. She Got Her Own- Ne-Yo & Jamie Foxx
2 Things I want to do before I die
1. Lots of traveling
2. Fall in love…
1 Confession
It’s getting harder every day to have faith that everything will fall into place some day…
RIP Caylee Marie Anthony 2005-2008 December 19, 2008
What can I say? This case has hit close to home in so many ways. Of course since it has all happened 10-15 minutes from my home, there has been so much coverage that it’s become a regular topic on the news. Being the mother of a toddler myself I just cant even comprehend how anyone, especially a mother, can be responsible for such a crime. Today, it was confirmed that the remains found last week do in fact belong to Caylee Marie Anthony. An innocent and beautiful child that was taken from this world much too soon. I hope that the identification of the remains will at least bring closure to the rest of her family and I hope that justice is served in this case.
RIP baby girl…may you rest peacefully and happily in heaven with the other angels…
Bah Humbug… December 9, 2008
For the first time in my life, I am not looking forward to the holidays. As a matter of fact, if there was a “fast forward” button in life, I would push it and skip straight to January. Now, this might come as a surprise to those close to me since I have always been the holiday queen. I’m the kind of person that normally breaks out the decorations the morning after Thanksgiving. I usually help decorate my parents house, my office, my cubicle, hell I’ve decorated other people’s cubicles to help get them into the spirit. But this year…it’s just not there.
However because I have a son now, who is almost two years old, ”skipping” the holidays isn’t really an option but at least it can be scaled down without him really noticing that mommy just isn’t in the mood for all of the joy and happiness that comes from the holidays. The funny thing is that as much as I would like to run and hide from it all, Alex always has a way to point things out. After all, one of his favorite phrases nowadays is “mommy look tree!” and he oohs and aahs at all of the “lights mama lights!” If it wasn’t for him I honestly wouldn’t care about the holidays at all this year.
It’s hard to explain to my friends and family where my indifference for the holidays is coming from this year without hearing the same things “you have a beautiful son that you should be thankful for” or “you are surrounded by people that love you, why are you being so grumpy?” So let’s clear that up now… I know that the holidays are about family and friends. I know that I have an amazing son who lights up my life, not only at this time of the year but every single day. I know that I am surrounded my family and friends that love and support me and trust me, I am happy and grateful to have such blessings when there are plenty of people in this world that wish they had all of those things. But all of those things don’t change one things…I am lonely. The best way I can explain it is that as a mother, daughter, sister, friend, etc…I am happy and fulfilled. As a woman, I feel alone.
It’s not that I feel like I “need” a man in my life to be happy, because I know that I don’t. So what’s wrong with just “wanting” to have someone special in your life? It’s a hard time of the year to be alone. Every where I go there’s parents buying gifts for their kids, families dressed up in identical outfits getting their holiday pictures taken, and even the christmas commercials make me sad. Because once again I feel as if my son and I are missing out on being our own “normal family.” Last year it didnt hit me as hard because it was Alex’s first Christmas and there was so much going on that I was on cloud nine. This year I have seriously been dreading the holidays for months, and as soon as Thanksgiving weekend came along the “holiday blues” sank in.
I know that I will get through it and I know deep down that 2009 is going to be a much better year filled with lots of changes and positive things, I guess I just can’t wait to get there. But then again, at times, like last night when I took Alex to get his Xmas pictures taken, I stepped back and looked at my little baby who has quickly turned into a little boy. Dressed up in his cute outfit and dressy shoes, flashing that beautiful smile with the cutest dimples in the world and I realize that no matter how empty a part of my heart feels, there is a little angel in my life that fills my heart with love, joy, and most importantly…HOPE.
(Disclaimer: However, this does NOT mean that I won’t be posting a “Kill Cupid” post around the middle of February…trust me, it’s coming!)
